Role of the MP in Representation

Role of the MP in Representation What is the role of an MP as a constituency representative in theory and practice? Abstract There is a debate as to the exact role of an MP as a constituency representative and whether that role may differ in theory from practise. This dissertation will explore the differing interpretations of the representative role that MPs perform. There are differing theories as to how that role should be performed and the ways that role is performed in practice. As shall be discussed the theories as to the constituency representative role of an MP have developed over several centuries and the practice has evolved along the same time period. Factors that affected the theory and practice of an MP’s constituency representative role include the development of modern political parties, the extension of the electoral franchise and the influence of the media on the political agenda or the expectations of the electorate. Originally MPs were elected as individual representatives of their constituencies based on very narrow electorates. Some MPs were returned without having to face electi on whilst others brought their seats or had them brought for them. The rationale of this work is to examine the way that constituency representative role has changed to reach its present theoretical and practical positions. The relative positions of MPs will also be explored; for instance MPs happy to be backbenchers or those that wish to gain ministerial positions. Introduction From Parliament’s beginning in the mid 13th century an MP would almost exclusively have represented the rich merchants or the land owning classes from which they themselves were nearly always drawn from. They would tend to represent the concerns of their peers within the constituencies as neither the nobility, neither the clergy nor the poor could vote for them. Parliament was subordinate to the monarchy with the House of Lords dominating the House of Commons except in the area of taxation were the Lords did not wish to accept the unpopularity that setting taxes caused (Morgan, 1993, p.172). Attention will be paid to the roles assigned to MPs by tradition, inclination and ideological differences. Over the centuries there have been arguments and debates as to who has the right to choose an MP and who exactly that MP should represent. Finally there is the debate as to the conduct of an MP, do they have the right to do as they wish or do they have to follow the wishes of the peop le that elected them (Birch, 2001, p. 93). From the start the House of Commons main purposes was to give the king taxes in times of war or when the country was threatened whilst also passing legislation to improve the administration of the country. Although the House of Commons was less important than the House of Lords even then there were the notion that MPs represented their constituencies and raised their constituents concerns in Parliament. Whilst the House of Lords represented the upper strata of feudal England, MPs represented the middle strata of the English nation (Silk and Walters, 1998, p.1). The development of the constituency representative role Through evolution, revolution, design and accident Parliament in general and the House of Commons in particular would greatly increase in significance and power making the theory and practice of an MP’s constituency representative role more contentious as well as more important. The man widely credited with inadvertently making the role of MPs as constituency representatives and the House of Commons more important was Henry VIII. Henry used Parliament to break with Rome and establish the Church of England. His chief minister Thomas Cromwell proved highly skilled at managing the House of Commons and may have understood the consequences of the change more. Even then potential conflicts between an MP being an effective constituency representative or merely there to do the government’s bidding could be detected (Schama, 2000, p.308). The political turmoil caused by the Reformation eventually led to the civil war and the Glorious Revolution. As a result of those events Parliament became politically dominant and the forerunners of modern political parties, the Whigs and the Tories emerged. Prior to the emergence of these parties MPs were elected as independent individuals free to vote or act in any way that they considered apt. They may have represented ver y small numbers of voters yet that was because the franchise was restricted as well as the criteria for standing as an MP. Even now MPs are elected as individuals even if the vast majority of voters pick who they vote for on the basis of political parties rather than on personal merit or views. MPs have the right to change their party membership after being elected although they cannot expect to be re-elected (Silk Walters, 1998, p.10). All MPs had to have their own wealth or have wealthy supporters, as they were not paid for being an MP. Lack of a salary meant there could always be the suspicion that MPs could accept bribes or incentives to represent other people aside from their constituents and thus act against their constituency interests or the national interests. British democracy was tightly restricted, women were completely barred from voting whilst the vast majority of men could neither vote or be elected. So this meant that nearly all MPs were not representing the people in their constituency even if they more representatives of the small number of voters. Britain in fact only obtained full universal adult suffrage in 1928 after more than a century of campaigns for electoral reform (Coxall, Robins Leach, 2003, p.7). Despite attempts at occasional radical reforms by Liberal and Labour governments changes to democracy have been like the approach preferred by the Conservative party, reform or change by evolu tion rather than revolution (Comfort, 1993, p. 122). As already mentioned prior to the emergence of a party system and the extension of the electoral franchise, MPs that in theory if not always in practice had more freedom in their parliamentary actions or voting. Although free to act in any way they saw fit MPs would often form groups with like-minded colleagues. Governments would also try to manage the House of Commons so the monarch could get the legislation or the taxes they needed approved. Loose parties or groups were often formed of those MPs that supported or opposed the government. Kings such as Edward I regarded MPs as two-way representatives. As well as representing their constituency they represented the government and the king in their constituency. Should any conflict arise between an MP’s role as a constituency representative and their position as a servant of the crown then the crown usually took precedence. If an MP had any doubts about that the government would force or persuade them to conform to its wishes (B irch, 2001, p. 102). Governments were at that point still run by the monarch in fact as well as in name. A strong monarch equated to strong government with Parliament used as or when it was needed. Whilst MPs did not have the same social, economic and religious status of the nobility, abbots and bishops that sat in the House of Lords they were part of the elite within society and were supposed to be representing that groups interests. At no point were they supposed to represent the common people. Henry VIII may have used parliament to increase his own power yet his policies altered the role and importance of parliament. The dissolution of the monasteries not only removed abbots from the House of Lords it was also the largest redistribution of wealth and land in English history that most benefited MPs, their relatives and friends yet sowing the seeds of future conflict between monarch and parliament (Morgan, 1993, p.284). The legislation associated with the reformation greatly increased the power of the monarch and even today any legislation that increases government power significantly or without just cause are still referred to as ‘Henry VIII powers’ (Silk Walters, 1998, p.152). Governments still needed majorities in parliament to pass legislation and the Tudors would resort to bribery, cajoling, making concessions and personal appeals to get what they wanted. Whilst the Tudors avoided serious conflicts with Parliament Charles I and his policies would lead to civil war and his overthrow. The commonwealth witnessed written constitutions military rule and a purely nominated parliament. In the end it was decided that a constitutional monarchy offered the best means of stable government. The 17th Century saw the start of political groups that would develop into parties, it also saw the failure of democratic movements, personal rule by the monarch and military rule (Morgan, 1993, p.374). The 18th Century saw the further emergence of the party system and a new position that of Prime Minister. With Prime Ministerial government came an increase in the number of MPs that were government ministers. Taking up a ministerial position reduced the amount of time that an MP could spend representing their constituents with however the gaining of power and prestige as an incentive to accept office. Parliament remained unreformed and the electoral franchise was actually narrower than it had been under the Tudors. No government made any attempt to reform the Pocket Boroughs were MPs happened to be picked by the rich and powerful to represent them or do exactly as they told. There were at least 300 such Pocket Boroughs in the general election of 1807. MPs elected by such means were not in a hurry to reform the House of Commons as this would more than likely lead to them losing their seats (Gardiner and Wenborn, 1995, p. 604). Rotten Boroughs were even more notorious for their corrup tion, the majority of them having no voters at all, only having voters on election days or voters bribed to vote for a certain candidate. Such practices meant some MPs had reality no constituents to represent and could act without restraint or fear of losing their seat. If the government happened to control the Pocket and Rotten Boroughs it meant they could not lose its parliamentary democracy (Gardiner and Wenborn, 1995, p. 664). After 1688 Britain had been dominated by Whig governments with a Tory opposition yet neither party wished to make the country more democratic. However there were radicals such as Thomas Paine that wanted democracy and therefore electoral reform plus an overhaul of parliament. Although Paine could not bring about reform in Britain he did influence the ideas of the American and French Revolution. Those who were opposed to reform contended that Britain had its own revolutions in 1642 and 1688 with Parliament dominating the constitutional monarchy and effectively representing the nation further revolution was not needed (Hobsbawm, 1962, p. 54). Prior to the French Revolution, the Tories sometimes argued the case for parliamentary reform and extending the franchise. Such reforms would not have changed the theory and practice of an MP role as a constituency representative but it offered pragmatic advantages for the Tories. Reforms were suggested both as a means to make elections fairer wit h elections less corrupt and as a means of breaking the Whig domination of government. Some considered the reforming of seat boundaries just as important for representative government as extending the franchise. After all the last redrawing of boundaries had taken place during the Commonwealth and had been abandoned with the Restoration (Gardiner and Wenborn, 1995, p.584). The French Revolution increased the divisions between the Whigs and the Tories with the former being more liberal and the latter more conservative. However both parties had a fear of Parliamentary reform leading to radicals taking over the country, better to have a well balanced responsible government elected by the few rather than a radical irresponsible government influenced if not directly controlled by the masses. The French Revolution gave an impetus to demands for democratic reform. The reformers arguing that MPs could hardly be effective constituency representatives when the majority of people could not vote for or against them. Reformers also pointed out that the archaic boundaries made a mockery of the claim that MPs were representatives of their constituents when some represented hundreds or thousands of voters and other MPs represented a handful of voters. In reality both parties were opposed to and feared radical democratic reforms as they did not believe that Britain sho uld become fully democratic. Democratic reforms were not enacted with enthusiasm but when Parliament believed there was no other option, it was better to adopt piecemeal controllable reform than suffer revolution (Eatwell Wright, 2003, p.54). The political elite in Britain especially the Whigs were more interested in protecting property rights and laissez faire economics than political reform or actually representing the poor and the working classes. The Tories were not keen on altering British society and economy either yet would gain greater benefit from electoral reform and extensions of the franchise than their liberal counterparts. That explains the reluctance of both parties to extending the franchise and making MPs more representative of the population as a whole and more willing to represent the interests of all or most of the people in their constituencies. As far as they were concerned MPs best served the nation’s interests by serving the interests of its social and elite to which they either belonged or aspired to join. For liberals governments were solely there to allow the capitalist market and system to function unhindered. Individuals were responsible for their own success or failure; they did not ne ed or deserve the right to vote if they failed. MPs should only represent the successful (Eatwell Wright, 2003, p.27). Some Liberals along with Conservatives were afraid that universal suffrage would lead to the majority of the masses ruling over the minority, if that minority knew better (Coxall, Robins and Leach, 2003, p. 228). Such attitudes were similar to those of Edmund Burke who believed that MPs should be left to govern or be in opposition to the government in the House of Commons, representing but not subservient to their constituents (Held, 1991, p.185). The extension of the franchise would eventually lead to changes in the theory and practice of an MP’s constituency representative role. Parliament was able to resist demands for its reforms and an extension to the electoral franchise until 1832. The political establishment had managed to avoid reform following the French Revolution in 1789. Yet the Great Reform Act of 1832 was enacted following the reform movements that sprang up after the 1830 revolution in Paris that threatened the establishment. Three years earlier, Catholic Emancipation allowed Roman Catholics to vote and stand for parliamentary election provided they met the monetary and property criteria for doing so (Hobsbawm, 1962, p.110). The 1832 Act also started the process of reforming the constituency boundaries to increase the number of MPs for expanding towns such as Birmingham and Manchester as well as London. The emerging and expanding towns were still represented by only two MPs whilst some of the old constit uencies had retained their two seats even if they now had only a tiny number of voters. Increasing the number of urban constituencies meant that winning those seats became more important to any political party wishing to gain and maintain political power. As towns expanded into cities their populations had increasing expectations of what their MPs should do for them. Urban expansion and industrialisation meant that the nature of the constituency and its population changed meaning practical if not theoretical changes to the constituency representative role of an MP. The role of an MP as a constituency representative therefore developed further as Britain’s society and economy developed and progressed. An MP particularly of an urban or industrialised constituency became involved with different issues than one represented a rural or rural constituency even if they belonged to the same party. Those opposed to radical reforms would stress that an MP not only represented his constituents he used his greater intellect and judgement to make the best decisions for them. Edmund Burke whose ideas strongly influenced modern conservatism stated that a bad or weak MP was one that sacrificed his views for those of his constituents that lacked his political knowledge or sound judgement. Burke who lived in an age when the party system was less developed would no doubt felt that MPs had the right if not a duty to go against their party if they believed that is the best course of action (Comfort, 1993, p.66). It became harder to ignore the working classes and the poor within any given constituency even if an MP did not have to gain their support as they had no voting rights for much of the 19th century. An MP would have to represent more of the people within their constituency than before. Industrial and economic development made the practice of an MP as a constituency representative altered as they wished to promote prosperity, employment and health amongst their constituents. The industrial revolution may have made the capitalist classes richer yet it also promoted political unrest, epidemics such as cholera, slum housing and industrial strife. In effect it made the business of government and representation more complex. These economic and social changes led to MPs and governments taking a greater role in monitoring or industrial safety. Even before the advent of the welfare state governments became increasingly keen on improving public health, housing and education provision. Constitue nts would increasingly encourage their MPs to use their representative role to grab bigger slices of government spending to improve their constituencies. From a cynical point of view it could be argued that an MP would happily take part in such measures as part of their role as a constituency representative. Promoting the prosperity and well being of their constituency is just doing their job and if they do it well it improves their chances of re-election at the next general election. Limits to the constituency representative role On the other hand it could be argued that an MP should be a constituency representative to everybody in that constituency whether or not they voted for that MP or even if they voted against them. At the end of the day MPs are there to improve the lives of their constituents as well as to represent them. In theory an MP should stand up for their constituency’s best interests and represent them as strongly as possible in Parliament. MPs are generally supposed to follow their official party line when debating or voting in Parliament. Some MPs believe that they should be able to vote anyway they believe to be right and they should not be forced to vote for measures or acts that are contrary to their conscience or the interests of their constituency. Left wing Labour MPs referred to such defiance of the party whip as the ‘conscience clause’ when defying or considering defying the party leadership. Defiance was usually against plans to cut public spending, changes to th e National Health Service or Britain having nuclear weapons (Comfort, 1993, p. 121). In practice how well they look after their constituency interests on whether they are part of the governing part and how much influence they can have on policy formation. In practice the government’s budget is finite and hard choices or bargaining can determine whether a constituency gets a new hospital, better schools or no public help when a local factory or business closes down. Governments will often look after the interests of the constituencies represented by their MPs first even if they proclaim that they are serving the whole country’s interests. MPs from the governing party can be highly susceptible to a government being unpopularity so it is in their best interests (Birch, 2001, p. 102). For present day MPs it is a serious decision as to whether to vote against the party line when a party whip is in operation. Not only are MPs subject to internal party discipline they have been elected by their constituents to be their representative as a Labour or Conservative MP for example. Constituents can therefore regard their MP as being not only disloyal to his or her party they may regard it as a betrayal of their loyalty too. MPs have voted against their party line when their conscience could not support party policy. Some MPs will even be prepared to oppose or vote against party policies that contradict the perceived interests of the constituencies that they represent. Often in such a situation MPs will seek a workable compromise so that they have represented their constituents best interests as best they could whilst remaining loyal to their party. Labour MPs in the past for instance have voted against or frequently disputed the leadership’s decision to keep Britai n’s nuclear deterrent contending that it was not needed, it is too expensive with the additional problem of making Britain and not just their constituencies a target. The internal disputes over unilateral nuclear disarmament when combined with other divisions contributed to the party spending 18 years in opposition after 1979. The minority status of the 1976-79 Labour government made it particularly vulnerable to back bench revolt or dissent although it its failure to keep its promise over changing the electoral system and introduce devolution in Scotland and Wales that lost the parliamentary support of the Liberals and Scottish Nationalists. Its downfall came after public spending brought about the public sector strikes dubbed the ‘winter of Discontent’. Perhaps if Labour had introduced a system of proportional representation it would not have spent so many years in opposition or then go on to win three consecutive terms in office (Coxall, Robins and Leach, 2003 , p.41). Ironically enough the Labour leadership suffered its worst back- bench revolt when it was in opposition. If all the Labour, MPs had voted against during the EEC treaty debate then the Heath government would have been defeated. For Benn alongside other MPs joining the EEC was a mistake as it reduced the sovereignty of Parliament and meant that MPs would see their influence decline (Benn, 1988, p.313). Labour MPs have tended to stress their commitment to being constituency representatives and helping as many of their constituents as possible. As originally set up the Labour Party believed it represented the people in Parliament. The Labour Party was there to run the country for the people and make it a better place for all. The Labour Party was founded in 1900 from the Independent Labour Party, the Fabian Society and the Social Democratic Federation with funding from the Trades Union Congress (Rodgers Donoughue, 1966, p.46). The aim of the Labour Party was to fully represent the working class in Parliament. Not all working class men had received the vote after the latest reform of 1884. The Representation of the People Act of 1918 gave all working class men and women aged over 30 the vote. Universal adult suffrage was not achieved until 1928 by which time the Labour Party was well on the way to replacing the Liberals as the second party in British politics. The first Labour government of 1923-24 was a minority government and too weak to attempt any socialist measures. The Labour government elected in 1929 had to deal with the effects of the Wall Street Crash which made the chances of even the modest socialist measures impossible. Prime Minister Ramsey McDonald split the party by forming the National Government and cutting unemployment benefit during the worst recession anybody had ever seen. The majority of Labour MPs, members and voters felt bitterly betrayed. As far as they were concerned Ramsey McDona ld had gone against everything Labour meant to its members and to its constituents. The 1931 general election saw the party reduced to a rump of 51 MPs, the dreams of the ‘People’s Party’ seemed to be in tatters (Morgan, 1993, p.610). Yet for many years of the modern era the most successful political party has been the Conservative Party. The basic instinct of the party may have been to conserve the best of the country and make everything else better through evolutionary change. The Conservatives to a certain extent saw themselves as a caring parent representing the best interests of the people. The Conservatives also seemed to be remarkably successful in winning power when it might have been assumed that first the Liberals and then Labour would have been the natural party of government. Despite massive electoral defeats in 1906, 1945 and 1966 the Conservatives were able to regain power within relatively short periods of time. Following in the traditional view of Edmund Burke. Conservative MPs were happy to represent their constituents yet unwilling to be told by the electors what to say or do in Parliament. The Conservatives had not actually lost out with the extension of the franchise to all adults attracting en ough votes from women and working class men to be able to win general elections. The Conservatives were noted for their pragmatism rather than their ideological outlook. Unlike the Liberal and the Labour parties they always seemed to be a united party with MPs that constituents knew would work for stability and evolutionary progress. The Conservatives did not overturn the reforms of the Liberals of 1906-14 or Labour governments of 1945-51. The Liberals introduced the first unemployment benefit and pensions whilst Labour brought in the welfare state plus the NHS (Gardiner Wenborn, 1995, p.193). All this changed when Margaret Thatcher became party leader and then Prime Minister. Far from pragmatism she advocated neo-liberal policies that broke the post-war consensus. The radical policies pursued by the Thatcher governments raised questions about how the electoral system allowed such large majorities to governments supported by a minority of the electorate. This system is not represented at all and has had critics since the 19th century (Held, 1991, p.186). Some of the theoretical and practical theories of how an MP should represent their constituents has evolved over the centuries. The evolution of theory and practice has meant the representative role of an MP has developed into some contradictory directions. The ideals of an MP being in a constituency representative can be traced back to the first Parliament of 1265. MPs had a dual representative role, to the constituents that elected them and to the country they assisted in governing. Whilst MPs were independent elected individuals there was no real conflict or contradiction or roles or interests. For the MPs elected by pocket or rotten boroughs there was little conflict on interests as they did the bidding of those that had got them into Parliament. The contradiction of representing both constituencies and the country was further complicated by loyalty to political parties and positions within the government. MPs have essentially always been elected by a simple plural system, the ca ndidate with the most votes win, they don’t need a majority of votes, just a single vote more than their nearest rival. Therefore a political party that receives a majority of the votes nationally due to the vagaries of the system end up losing the election. That happened to Labour in 1951 and the Conservatives in February 1974 (Held, 1991, p.174). One drawback with the way that the theory and practice of an MPs constituency representative role has developed was that they can have little ability to stop governments introducing unpopular or ill considered policies. For instance MPs did not stop and only a minority protested against the poll tax or Britain’s involvement in the invasion of Iraq. However MPs could argue that most political parties only enact that they have promised in their election manifestos and if the people don’t want such policies then they should not vote for that party in the first place. Other events are reactions to incidences outside of the government’s control such as the Margaret Thatcher’s reaction to the invasion of the Falklands Islands, the response to the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait or Britain’s involvement with the war on terror. Such events have a tendency to happen between elections leaving the electorate without the chance to approve or protest against government actions. Governments would counter claims that they were ignoring public protests or opinion by saying that sometimes they need to make important decisions quickly and do what they believe is best for the country rather than what they think is best for winning elections. Thus Margaret Thatcher’s decision to re-invade the Falkland Islands contributed to her general election victory in 1983 whilst for Tony Blair the decision to invade Iraq was blamed for the loss of more than 100 seats in the 2005 general election (Coxall, Robins and Leach, 2003, p.200). A method of ensuring that general election results would be fairer would be to switch from the first past the post system to a form of proportional representation. Using a proportional representation system would tend to make the governments more moderate as they would be coalition governments and radical policies would be less likely to be adopted. However, such a move could have a great impact on the theory and practice of an MPs constituency representative role. Depending on which system of proportional representation was adopted there might not even be a link between MPs and constituents at all. If the Additional Member System used in Germany were adopted then a strong link would be retained with a weaker link if the Single Transferable Vote as used in the Republic of Ireland were used. PR was first considered for adoption with the Liberals not keen on it. However once they had been reduced to a small third party they were much keener (Madgwick, 1994, p. 280). The general electio n results of 1974 and 1983 showed the unfairness of first past the post. With greater levels of tactical voting, the Liberal Democrats actually gained more seats in the general election of 1997, 2001,and 2005 with fewer votes that the Liberal / SDP Alliance received in 1983. Unless there is a hung Parliament similar to 1974 than it is unlikely that Proportional Representation will be introduced as both Labour and Conservatives always believe they can win an overall majority. Should Proportional Representation ever be adopted that some MPs would have greater influence than others would, mainly those in the smaller coalition parties could in theory and practice hold the largest parties to ransom (Coxall, Robins and Leach, 2003, p. 90). Conclusions To conclude the theory of an MP being a constituency representative has changed very little over the centuries. The theory of the constituency representative role is fairly straightforward. An MP is simply elected by a majority of their constituents and is the constituency representative for the term of the whole parliament. Once elected an MP is in theory bound to represent their constituency interests to the best of their ability and to participate with or oppose the government depending of whether they belong to the governing party or the opposition. In theory whether they belong to the governing party or the opposition they should scrutinise government policy and legislation. In theory MPs are still elected to Parliament as constituency representatives as if they were independent individuals rather than as members of political parties. An MP is free to switch political party they belong to whilst still sitting in the House of Commons. In reality MPs are primarily elected because of the political party they belong to and that they are the candidates for. In other words they are elected to represent their constituency as the Labour, Conservative or Liberal Democrat etc MP rather than as an individual. Once they have b

Coyote Blue Chapter 3~5

CHAPTER 3 The Machines of Irony Bring Memory Santa Barbara After Sam's secretary gave him the address of his appointment he hung up the cellular phone and punched the address into the navigation system he'd had installed in the Mercedes so he would always know where he was. Wherever Sam was, he was in touch. In addition to the cellular phone he wore a satellite beeper that could reach him anywhere in the world. He had fax machines and computers in his office and his home, as well as a notebook-sized computer with a modem that linked him with data bases that could provide him with everything from demographic studies to news clippings about his clients. Three televisions with cable kept his home alive with news, weather, and sports and provided insipid entertainments to fill his idle hours and keep him abreast of what was hot and what was not, as well as any information he might need to construct a face to meet a face: to change his personality to dovetail with that of any prospective client. The by-gone salesman out riding on a shoeshine and a smile had been replaced by a shape-shifting shark stalking the sale, and Sam, having buried long ago who he really was, was an excellent salesman. Even as some of Sam's devices connected him to the world, others protected him from its harshness. Alarm systems in his car and condo kept criminals at bay, while climate control kept the air comfortable and compact discs soothed away distracting noise. A monstrous multi-armed black machine he kept in his spare bedroom simulated the motions of running, cross-country skiing, stair climbing, and swimming, while monitoring his blood pressure and heart rate and making simulated ocean sounds that stimulated alpha waves in the brain. And all this without the risk of the shin splints, broken legs, drowning, or confusion that he might have experienced by actually going somewhere and doing something. Air bags and belts protected him when he was in the car and condoms when he was in women. (And there were women, for the same protean guile that served him as a salesman served him also as a seducer.) When the women left, protesting that he was charming but something was missing, there was a numb er that he could call where someone would be nice to him for $4.95 a minute. Sometimes, while he was getting his hair cut, sitting in the chair with his protections and personalities down, the hairdresser would run her hands down his neck, and that small human contact sent a lonesome shudder rumbling through him like a heartbreak. â€Å"I'm here to see Mr. Cable,† he said to the secretary, an attractive woman in her forties. â€Å"Sam Hunter, Aaron Assurance Associates. I have an appointment.† â€Å"Jim's expecting you,† she said. Sam liked that she used her boss's first name; it confirmed the personality profile he had projected. Sam's machines had told him that James Cable was one of the two main partners who owned Motion Marine, Inc., an enormously successful company that manufactured helmets and equipment for industrial deep-sea diving. Cable had been an underwater welder on the rigs off Santa Barbara before he and his partner, an engineer named Frank Cochran, had invented a new fiberglass scuba helmet that allowed divers to stay in radio contact while regulating the high-pressure miasma of gases that they breathed. The two became millionaires within a year and now, ten years later, they were thinking of taking the company public. Cochran wanted to be sure that at least one of the partners could retain controlling interest in the company in the event that the other died. Sam was trying to write a multi-million-dollar policy that would provide buy-out capital for the remaining partner. It was a simple partnership deal, the sort that Sam had done a hundred times, and Cochran, the engineer, with his mathematical way of thinking, his need for precision and order, his need to have all the loose ends tied up, had been an easy sale. With an engineer Sam simply presented facts, carefully laid out in an equationlike manner that led to the desired answer, which was: â€Å"Where do I sign?† Engineers were predictable, consistent, and easy. But Cable, the diver, was going to be a pain in the ass. Cable was a risk taker, a gambler. Any man who had spent ten years of his life working hundreds of feet underwater, breathing helium and working with explosive gas, had to have come to terms with fear, and fear was what Sam traded in. In most cases the fear was easy to identify. It was not the fear of death that motivated Sam's clients to buy; it was the fear of dying unprepared. If he did his job right, the clients would feel that by turning down a policy they were somehow tempting fate to cause them to die untimely. (Sam had yet to hear of a death considered â€Å"timely.†) In their minds they created a new superstition, and like all superstitions it was based on the fear of irony. So, the only lottery ticket you lose will be the winning one, the one time you leave your driver's license at home is the time you will be stopped for speeding, and when someone offers you an insurance policy that only pays you if you're dead, you better damn well buy it. Irony. It was a tacit message, but one that Sam delivered with every sales pitch. He walked into Jim Cable's office with the unusual feeling of being totally unprepared. Maybe it was just the girl who had thrown him, or the Indian. Cable was standing behind a long desk that had been fashioned from an old dinghy. He was tall, with the thin, athletic build of a runner, and completely bald. He extended his hand to Sam. â€Å"Jim Cable. Frank told me you'd be coming, but I'm not sure I like this whole thing.† â€Å"Sam Hunter.† Sam released his hand. â€Å"May I sit? This shouldn't take long.† This was not a good start. Cable gestured for Sam to sit across from him and sat down. Sam remained standing. He didn't want the desk to act as a barrier between them; it was too easy for Cable to defend. â€Å"Do you mind if I move this chair over to your side of the desk? I have some materials I'd like you to see and I need to be beside you.† â€Å"You can just leave the materials, I'll look them over.† Technology had helped Sam over this barrier. â€Å"Well, actually it's not printed matter. I have it in my computer and I have to be on the same side of the screen as you.† â€Å"Okay, I guess that's fine, then.† Cable rolled his chair to the side to allow Sam room on the same side of the desk. That's one, Sam thought. He moved his chair, sat down beside Cable, and opened the notebook computer. â€Å"Well, Mr. Cable, it looks like we can set this whole thing up without any more than a physical for you and Frank.† â€Å"Whoa!† Cable brought his hands up in protest. â€Å"We haven't agreed on this yet.† â€Å"Oh,† Sam said. â€Å"Frank gave me the impression that the decision had been made – that this was just a meeting to confirm the tax status and pension benefits of the policy.† â€Å"I didn't know there were pension benefits.† â€Å"That's why I'm here,† Sam said. It wasn't why he was there at all. â€Å"To explain them to you.† â€Å"Well, Frank and I haven't gotten down to any specifics on this. I'm not sure it's a good idea at all.† Sam needed misdirection. He launched into the presentation like a pit bull/Willy Loman crossbreed. As he spoke, the computer screen supported his statements with charts, graphs, and projections. Every five seconds a message flashed across the screen faster than the eye could see, but not so fast that it could not nibble on the lobes of the subconscious like a teasing lover. The message was: BE SMART, BUY THIS. Sam had designed the program himself. The BE SMART part of the message could be modified for each client. The options were: BE SEXY, BE YOUNG, BE BEAUTIFUL, BE THIN, BE TALL, and Sam's personal favorite, BE GOD. He'd come up with the idea one night while watching a commercial in which six heavily muscled guys got to run around on the beach impressing beautiful women presumably because they drank light beer. BE A STUD, DRINK LIGHT. Sam finished his presentation and stopped talking abruptly, feeling that he had somehow forgotten something. He waited, letting the silence become uncomfortable, letting the conversation lay on the desk before them like a dead cat, letting the diver come to the correct conclusion. The first one to speak loses. Sam knew it. He sensed that Cable knew it. Finally, Jim Cable said, â€Å"This is a great little computer you have. Would you consider selling it?† Sam was thrown. â€Å"But what about the policy?† â€Å"I don't think it's a good idea,† Cable said. â€Å"But I really like this computer. I think it would be smart to buy it.† â€Å"Smart?† Sam said. â€Å"Yeah, I just think it would be a smart thing to do.† So much for subliminal advertising. Sam made a mental note to change his message to: BE SMART, BUY THE POLICY. â€Å"Look, Jim, you can get a computer like this in a dozen stores in town, but this partnership policy is set up for right now. You are never going to be younger, you'll never be in better health, the premium will never be lower or the tax advantage better.† â€Å"But I don't need it. My family is taken care of and I don't care who takes control of the company after I'm dead. If Frank wants to take a policy out on me I'll take the physical, but I'm not betting against myself on this.† There it was. Cable was not afraid and Sam knew no way to instill the fear he needed. He had read that Cable had survived several diving accidents and even a helicopter crash while being shuttled to one of the offshore rigs. If he hadn't glimpsed his mortality before, then nothing Sam could say would put the Reaper in his shaving mirror. It was time to walk away and salvage half of the deal with Cable's partner. Sam stood and closed the screen on the computer. â€Å"Well, Jim, I'll talk to Frank about the specifics of the policy and set up the appointment for the physical.† They shook hands and Sam left the office trying to analyze what had gone wrong. Again and again the fear factor came up. Why couldn't he find and touch that place in Jim Cable? Granted, his concentration had been shot by the morning's events. Really, he'd done a canned presentation to cover himself. But to cover what? This was a clean deal, cut and dried. When he climbed back into the Mercedes there was a red feather lying on the seat. He brushed it out onto the street and slammed the door. He drove back to his office with the air conditioner on high. Still, when he arrived ten minutes later, his shirt was soaked with sweat. CHAPTER 4 Moments Are Our Mentors Santa Barbara There are those days, those moments in life, when for no particular reason the senses are heightened and the commonplace becomes sublime. It was one of those days for Samuel Hunter. The appearance of the girl, the wanting she had awakened in him, had started it. Then the Indian's presence had so confused him that he was fumbling through the day marveling at things that before had never merited a second look. Walking back into his outer office he spied his secretary, Gabriella Snow, and was awed for a moment by just how tremendously, how incredibly, how child-frighteningly ugly she was. There are those who, deprived of physical beauty, develop a sincerity and beauty of spirit that seems to eclipse their appearance. They marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge. Gabriella was not one of those people. In fact, if not for her gruesome appearance, an unpleasant personality would have been her dominant feature. She was good on the phone, however, and Sam's clients were sometimes so relieved to be out of her office and into his that they bought policies out of gratitude, so he kept her on. He'd hired her three years ago from the resume she had mailed in. She was wildly overqualified for the position and Sam remembered wondering why she was applying for it in the first place. For three years Sam had breezed by her desk without really looking at her, but today, in his unbalanced state, her homeliness inspired him to poetry. But what rhymed with Gabriella? She said, â€Å"Mr. Aaron is very anxious to talk to you, Mr. Hunter. He requested that you go right into his office as soon as you arrived.† â€Å"Gabriella, you've been here three years. You can call me Sam.† Sam was still thinking about poetry. Salmonella? â€Å"Thank you, Mr. Hunter, but I prefer to keep things businesslike. Mr. Aaron was quite adamant about seeing you immediately.† Gabriella paused and checked a notepad on her desk, then read, â€Å"‘Tell him to get his ass in my office as soon as he hits the door or I'll have him rat-fucked with a tire iron. â€Å" â€Å"What does that mean?† Sam asked. â€Å"I would assume that he would like to see you right away, sir.† â€Å"I guessed that.† Sam said. â€Å"I'm a little vague on the rat-fucked part. What do you think, Gabriella?† Gabriella, Gabriella, As fair as salmonella. â€Å"I'm sure I don't know. You might ask him.† â€Å"Right,† Sam said. He walked down the hall to Aaron Aaron's outer office, composing the next line of his poem along the way. It wouldn't surprise me in the least If you were mistaken for a beast. Aaron Aaron wasn't Aaron's real name: he had changed it so his insurance firm would be the first listed in the yellow pages. Sam didn't know Aaron's real name and he had never asked. Who was he to judge? Samuel Hunter wasn't his real name either, and it was certainly less desirable alphabetically. Aaron's secretary, Julia, a willowy actress/model/dancer who typed, answered phones, and referred to hairdressers as geniuses, greeted Sam with a smile that evinced thousands in orthodontia and bonding. â€Å"Hi, Sam, he's really pissed. What did you do?† â€Å"Do?† â€Å"Yeah, on that Motion Marine deal. They called a few minutes ago and Aaron went off.† â€Å"I didn't do anything,† Sam said. He started into Aaron's office, then turned to Julia. â€Å"Julia, do you know what rat-fuck means?† â€Å"No, Aaron just said that he was going to do it to you for sucking the joy out of his new head.† â€Å"He got a new head? What's this one?† â€Å"A wild boar he shot last year. The taxidermist delivered it this morning.† â€Å"Thanks Julia, I'll be sure to notice it.† â€Å"Good luck.† Julia smiled, then held the smile while she checked herself in the makeup mirror on her desk. Walking into Aaron's office was like stepping into a nineteenth-century British hunt club: walnut paneling adorned with the stuffed heads of a score of game animals, numbered prints of ducks on the wing, leather wing-back chairs, a cherry-wood desk clear of anything that might indicate that a business was being conducted. Sam immediately spotted the boar's head. â€Å"Aaron, it's beautiful.† Sam stood in front of the head with his arms outstretched. â€Å"It's a masterpiece.† He considered genuflecting to appeal to the latent Irish Catholic in Aaron, but decided that the insincerity would be spotted. Aaron, short, fifty, balding, face shot with veins from drink, swiveled in his high-backed leather chair and put down the Vogue magazine he had been leafing through. Aaron had no interest in fashion; it was the models that interested him. Sam had spent many an afternoon listening to Aaron's forlorn daydreams of having a showpiece wife. â€Å"How was I to know that Katie would get fat and I would get successful? I was only twenty when we got married. I thought the idea of getting laid steadily was worth it. I need a woman that goes with my Jag. Not Katie. She's pure Rambler.† Here he would point to an ad in Vogue. â€Å"Now, if I could only have a woman like that on my arm†¦Ã¢â‚¬  â€Å"She'd have you surgically removed,† Sam would say. â€Å"Sure, be that way, Sam. You don't know what it's like to think that getting a little strange could cost you half of what you own. You single guys have it all.† â€Å"Stop romanticizing, Aaron. Haven't you heard? Sex kills.† â€Å"Sure, suck the joy out of my fantasies. You know, I used to look forward to sex because it was fifteen minutes when I didn't have to think about death and taxes.† â€Å"If you do think about death and taxes it lasts half an hour.† â€Å"That's what I mean, I can't even get distracted with Katie anymore. Do you know what someone with my income has to pay in taxes?† The question came up in every one of their conversations. They had worked together for almost twenty years and Aaron always treated Sam as if he were still fifteen years old. â€Å"I know exactly what someone with your income is supposed to pay in taxes, about ten times what you actually pay.† â€Å"And you don't think that that weighs on me? The IRS could take all this.† Sam rather liked the vision of a team of IRS agents loading large dead animal heads into Aaron's Jag and driving off with antlers out every window while Katie stood by shouting, â€Å"Hey, half of those are mine!† No matter how much Aaron attained, he would never let go of his fear of losing it long enough to enjoy it. In his mind's eye, Sam imagined Aaron mournfully watching as they carried the wild boar head out by the tusks. â€Å"This thing is gorgeous,† Sam said. â€Å"I think I'm getting a woody just looking at it.† â€Å"I named it Gabriella,† Aaron said proudly, forgetting for a moment that he was supposed to be angry. Then he remembered. â€Å"What the fuck did you just pull over at Motion Marine? Frank Cochran is talking lawsuit.† â€Å"Over a little subliminal advertising? I don't think so.† â€Å"Subliminal advertising! Jim Cable fainted after that stunt you pulled. They don't even know what happened yet. It could be a heart attack. Are you out of your fucking mind? I could lose the agency over this.† Sam could see Aaron's blood pressure rising red on his scalp. â€Å"You thought it was a great idea last week when I showed it to you.† â€Å"Don't drag me into this, Sam, you're on your own with this one. I've pulled some shit in my time to push the fear factor, but I never had a client attacked by an Indian, for Christ's sake.† â€Å"Indian?† Sam almost choked. He lowered himself very gently into one of the leather wing-backs. â€Å"What Indian?† â€Å"Don't bullshit me, Sam. I taught you everything you know about bullshitting. Right after you left his office Jim Cable walked out of the Motion Marine building and was attacked by a guy dressed up as an Indian. With a tomahawk. If they catch the guy and he tells that you hired him, it's over for both of us.† Sam tried to speak but could find no breath to drive his voice. Aaron had been his teacher, and in a twisted, competitive way, Aaron was his friend and confidant, but he had never trusted Aaron with his fears. He had two: Indians and cops. Indians because he was one, and if anyone found out it it would lead to policemen, one of whom he had killed. Here they were, after twenty years, paralyzing him. Aaron came around the desk and took Sam by the shoulders. â€Å"You're smarter than this, kid,† he said, softening at Sam's obvious confusion. â€Å"I know this was a big deal, but you know better than to do something desperate like that. You can't let them see that you're hungry. That's the first rule I taught you, isn't it?† Sam didn't answer. He was looking at the mule deer head mounted over Aaron's desk, but he was seeing the Indian sitting in the cafe grinning at him. Aaron shook him. â€Å"Look, we're not totally screwed here. We can draw up an agreement signing all your interest in the agency over to me and backdate it to last week. Then you would be working as an independent contractor like the other guys. I could give you, say, thirty cents on the dollar for your shares under the table. You'd have enough to fight the good fight in court, and if they let you keep your license you'll always have a job to come back to. What do you say?† Sam stared at the deer head, hearing Aaron's voice only as a distant murmur. Sam was twenty-six years and twelve hundred miles away on a hill outside of Crow Agency, Montana. The voice he was hearing was that of his first teacher, his mentor, his father's brother, his clan uncle: a single-toothed, self-proclaimed shaman named Pokey Medicine Wing. CHAPTER 5 The Gift of a Dream Crow Country – 1967 Sam, then called Samson Hunts Alone, stood over the carcass of the mule deer he had just shot, cradling the heavy Winchester.30?C30 in his arms. â€Å"Did you thank the deer for giving its life up for you?† Pokey asked. As Samson's clan uncle, it was Pokey's job to teach the boy the ways of the Crow. â€Å"I thanked him, Pokey.† â€Å"You know it is the Crow way to give your first deer away. Do you know who you will give it to?† Pokey grinned around the Salem he held between his lips. â€Å"No, I didn't know. Who should I give it to?† â€Å"It is a good gift for a clan uncle who has said many prayers for your success in finding a spirit helper on your vision quest.† â€Å"I should give it to you, then?† â€Å"It is up to you, but a carton of cigarettes is a good gift too, if you have the money.† â€Å"I don't have any money. I will give you the deer.† Samson Hunts Alone sat down on the ground by the deer carcass and hung his head. He sniffed to fight back tears. Pokey kneeled beside him. â€Å"Are you sad for killing the deer?† â€Å"No, I don't see why I have to give it away. Why can't I take it home and let Grandma cook it for all of us?† Pokey took the rifle from the boy, levered a cartridge into the chamber, then let out a war whoop and fired it into the air. Samson stared at him as if he'd lost his mind. â€Å"You are a hunter now!† Pokey cried. â€Å"Samson Hunts Alone has killed his first deer!† he shouted to the sky. â€Å"Soon he will be a man!† Pokey crouched down to the boy again. â€Å"You should be happy to give the deer away. You are Crow and it is the Crow way.† Sam looked up, his golden eyes shot with red and brimming with tears. â€Å"One of the boys at school says that the Crow are no more than thieves and scavengers. He said that the Crow are cowards because we never fought the white man.† â€Å"This boy is Cheyenne?† Pokey said. â€Å"Yes.† â€Å"Then he is jealous because he is not Crow. The Crow gave the Cheyenne and the Lakota and the Blackfoot a reason to get up in the morning. They outnumbered us ten to one and we held our land against them for two hundred years before the white man came. Tell this boy that his people should thank the Crow for being such good enemies. Then kick his ass.† â€Å"But he is bigger than me.† â€Å"If your medicine is strong you will beat him. When you go on your fast next week, pray for warrior medicine.† Samson didn't know what to say. He would go to the Wolf Mountains next week for his first vision quest. He would fast and pray and hope to find a spirit helper to give him medicine, but he wasn't sure he believed, and he didn't know how to tell Pokey. â€Å"Pokey,† the boy said finally, very quietly, his voice barely audible over the hot breeze whistling through the prairie grass, â€Å"a lot of people say that you don't have no medicine at all, that you are just a crazy drunk.† Pokey put his face so close to Samson's that the boy could smell the cigarette-and-liquor smell coming off him. Then, softly, in a gentle, musical rasp he said, â€Å"They're right, I am a crazy drunk. The others are afraid of me 'cause I'm so crazy. You know why?† Sam sniffed, â€Å"Nope.† Pokey reached into his pocket and pulled out a small buckskin bundle tied with a thong. He untied the thong and unfolded the buckskin on the ground before the boy. In it lay an array of sharp teeth, claws, a tuft of tan fur, some loose tobacco, sweet grass, and sage. The largest object was a wooden carving of a coyote about two inches tall. â€Å"Do you know what this is, Samson?† Pokey asked. â€Å"Looks like a medicine bundle. Ain't you supposed to sing a song when you open it?† â€Å"Don't have to with this one. Nobody ever had medicine like this. I ain't never showed it to anyone before.† â€Å"What are those teeth?† â€Å"Coyote teeth. Coyote claws, coyote fur. I don't tell people about it anymore because they all say I'm crazy, but my spirit helper is Old Man Coyote.† â€Å"He's just in stories,† Sam said. â€Å"There isn't any Old Man Coyote.† â€Å"That's what you think,† Pokey said. â€Å"He came to me on my first fast, when I was about your age. I didn't know it was him. I thought it would be a bear, or an otter, because I was praying for war medicine. But on the fourth day of my fast I looked up and there was this young brave standing there dressed in black buckskins with red woodpecker feathers down his leggings and sleeves. He was wearing a coyote skin as a headdress.† â€Å"How did you know it wasn't just somebody from the res?† â€Å"I didn't. I told him to go away and he said that he had been away long enough. He said that when he gave the Crows so many enemies he promised that he would always be with them so they could steal many horses and be fierce warriors. He said it was almost time to come back.† â€Å"But where is he?† Samson asked. â€Å"That was a long time ago and no one has seen him. If he was here they wouldn't say you were crazy.† â€Å"Old Man Coyote is the trickster. I think he gave me this medicine to make me crazy and make me want to drink. Pretty Eagle, who was a powerful medicine man then, told me how to make this bundle and he told me that if I was smart I would give it to someone else or throw it in the river, but I didn't do it.† â€Å"But if it is bad medicine, if he is your spirit helper and doesn't help you†¦Ã¢â‚¬  â€Å"Does the sun rise just for you, Samson Hunts Alone?† â€Å"No, it rises all over the world.† â€Å"But it passes you and makes you part of its circle, doesn't it?† â€Å"Yeah, I guess so.† â€Å"Well maybe this medicine is bigger than me. Maybe I am just part of the circle. If it makes me unhappy then at least I know why I am unhappy. Do you know why you are unhappy?† â€Å"My deer†¦Ã¢â‚¬  â€Å"There will be other deer. You have your family, you are good in school, you have food to eat, you have water to drink. You can even speak Crow. When I was a boy they sent me off to a BIA school where they beat us if we spoke Crow. Next week, if your heart is pure, you will get a spirit helper and have strong medicine. You can be a great warrior, a chief.† â€Å"There aren't any chiefs anymore.† â€Å"It will be a long time before you are old enough to be a chief. You are too little to be unhappy about the future.† â€Å"But I am. I don't want to be Crow. I don't want to be like you.† â€Å"Then be like you.† Pokey turned away from the boy and lit another cigarette. â€Å"You make me angry. Give me your knife and I will show you how to dress this deer. We will throw the entrails in the river as a gift to the Earth and the water monsters.† Pokey looked at Samson, as if waiting for the boy to doubt him. â€Å"I'm sorry, Pokey.† The boy unsnapped the sheath on his belt and drew a wickedly curved skinning knife. He held it out to the man, who took the knife and began to field-dress the deer. As he drew the blade down the deer's stomach he said, â€Å"I am going to give you a dream, Samson.† Samson looked away from the deer into Pokey's face. There were always gifts among the Crow – gifts for names, Sun Dance ceremony gifts, powwow gifts at Crow Fair, naming ceremony gifts, gifts for medicine, gifts to clan uncles and aunts, gifts for prayers: tobacco and sweet grass and shirts and blankets, horses and trucks – so many gifts that no one could ever really be poor and no one ever really got rich. But the gift of a dream was very pure, very special, and could never be repaid. Samson had never heard anyone give a dream before. â€Å"I dreamed that Old Man Coyote came to me and he said, ‘Pokey, when everything is right with you, but you are so afraid that something might go wrong that it ruins your balance, then you are Coyote Blue. At these times I will bring you back into balance. This dream that I dreamed I give to you, Samson.† â€Å"What does that mean, Uncle Pokey?† â€Å"I don't know, but it is a very important dream.† Pokey wiped the knife on his pants and handed it to Samson, then hoisted the deer up on his shoulders. â€Å"Now, who are you going to give this deer to?†

How Do Chemical Weapons Smell

You may have a mental image of a chemical agent as some greenish vapor with a pungent, unpleasant smell. Are you surprised to learn most chemical agents are colorless and odorless? Many have characteristic odors, but some actually smell nice. Chemical Agent Odors Many blister agents smell a bit like plants. Other agents may have pungent odors, yet most chemical weapons have no scent at all. Heres a list of some chemical agents and their... bouquets: Sulfur Mustard: includes mustard gas, usually odorless and colorless in pure form but yellowish-brown with an odor reminiscent of the mustard plant, garlic, or horseradish when used in warfareChlorine Gas: pale greenish gas with a suffocating, unpleasant odor, similar to chlorine bleach3-quinuclidinyl benzilate (QNB or NATO BZ or Iraqi Agent 15): odorless incapacitating agentLewisite: WWI blister agent that smells strongly of geraniumsPhosgene Oxime: blister agent with an irritating smell, though somewhat of mown hay or cut green cornSarin: extremely toxic odorless nerve agentVX: probably the most toxic nerve agent, odorlessSoman: nerve gas that smells like Vicks VapoRub or rotting fruit, depending on who you askTabun: highly toxic nerve agent with a faint fruity smell, though odorless when pureZyklon B: hydrogen cyanide-containing blood agent, famous for its use in Nazi death camps, which has a bitter almond odor (not everyone has the ability to smell it, though)Hydrogen Sulfide: bl ood agent that smells of rotten eggsAdamsite or DM: odorless riot control agent that causes vomiting and sneezingCS Gas: tear gas, odorless

Meeting Luisa At The Bank - 1789 Words

Although we were not meeting Luisa at the bank until 11:00 o’clock, we arrived in Marsciano early the next morning to wander around town. From a nearly home-owner’s perspective, we looked at everything anew. Marsciano was going to be our â€Å"home town† in Italy, where we would shop, attend community events, the weekly market, dine in restaurants and make new friends. As we did with Johannes, we parked the car near the community elevator and took the lift up to the center of town. We nodded our heads to the locals and bid them Bouna giornata; a Good Day when our eyes met in passing. We window-shopped at the boutiques on the Corso Umberto, surprised by the high quality merchandise for sale in such a humble village. Soon, we saw Luisa†¦show more content†¦How could this possibly be real? Our lunch was even more delicious than the first time and our conversation was also more spirited. We vowed to take Italian lessons as soon as we returned to Califo rnia. Vince was bound and determined to attend the Deed Signing ceremony in Perugia in May which meant that he would sign on my behalf so that I could accumulate my vacation time off from work for the actual Moving In and Setting Up House in the Fall. I asked Vince to paint each room before and acquire a bed, a table and some chairs during his visit in May so that when I arrived in September we had a place to sleep and the apartment was spic-and-span clean. It was already dark and raining gently when we arrived at the front door of BB Garibaldi in the early evening. Vince inserted the key into the front door lock, when much to his surprise, he felt the key snap in two as he turned it to unlock the door, leaving the stem in the keyhole. â€Å"Oh great! Now what do we do?† Vince said as he pulled the remaining part of the key out of the lock and looked at it bewildered in his hand. â€Å"I don’t know† I answered. â€Å"David emphatically asked us not to ring the doorbell because his grandmother is always sleeping. Let’s try knocking on the door or calling his name. I believe that’s his balcony.† â€Å"I’m not going to yell out his name in the street.† Vince responded. I reminded him that the only people we know were the Real Estate people. â€Å"Let’s see if any one is